Redhead Speaks

A Little Lovin'

2008-02-06T19:36:00.000-08:00

No matter what your politics, we can all enjoy a little YouTube lovin' from will.i.am:

PS- For another reminder that the 1950s were not the apex of American culture, check out this quick Cadillac comparison over at mnp: YouTube video clash

Greatest generation my ass- give us another Hitler and we'll attack Iran so fast your head will spin.

Welcome to the Republican Mind

2008-01-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

Described as "A father teaches his liberal, Democrat, college student daughter why she is really a Republican," this little gem caught my eye a while ago, but I had forgotten about it until recently. Featured on an Oregon Republican Party county page, I've also seen it posted various places around the internet.

I would love to see someone do an analysis of this. The paternalistic themes are overpowering, as well as the innate hatred of intellectualism and logic.

Enough babble, just dig:

"Welcome to the Republican Party"

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and supported the distribution of all wealth. She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican which she expressed openly.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich & the addition of more government welfare programs. Based on the lectures that she had participated in and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that for years her father had obviously harbored an evil, even selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

He stopped her and asked her, point blank, how she was doing in school. She answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. She studied all the time and never had time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying because of her more difficult curriculum.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your good friend Mary doing?"

"Mary is barely getting by," she replied. "She barely has a 2.0 GPA, and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies. But Mary is extremely popular on campus. College, for her, is a blast. She goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn't even show up for classes because she is too hung over."

Her father then asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0? That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done little or nothing! She played while I worked real hard!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Funk NBC

2008-01-08T20:22:00.000-08:00

NBC may have taken down "Iran So Far Away" due to it being, um, popular, and thus bad for SNL's image, but a few intrepid pirates are still sailing the internet, uh, tubes.

Enjoy Mahmoud's silly brown eyes and butter pecan thighs.

Live from New York, It's Barack Obama!

2007-11-04T16:58:00.001-08:00

Obama makes a cameo to introduce SNL. Sweet!

Better Together

2007-10-24T15:24:00.000-07:00

While normally an insufferably pompous jackass, Thomas Friedman has written a nice little piece about the importance of working together to change our leaders like some burnt-out light bulbs.

As Friedman points out, your hybrid car don't mean shit if you vote for politicians who believe that having a 70 degree day in summer proves that global warming is a farce.

Republicans have proven exceedingly good at picking up small constituencies of libertarian anti-environmentalists, Rush Limbaugh devotees, and violent anti-choicers and managing to roll them into a ball of voters large enough to defeat regular folks. Needless to say, the politicians elected by this mass of generally anti-social, I-got-mine people are hardly progressive, let alone common-sense types of leaders.

So in this case Friedman is right: we are better together than apart. We mustn't fall into the marketing trap that tries to convince us that our purchases can substitute for real organizing and activism.

Dumbledore's Sexuality Revealed!

2007-10-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I thought that I had seen the end of Harry Potter news. Nope!

From that esteemed bastion of world news, the BBC: "JK Rowling outs Dumbledore as gay:

Harry Potter author JK Rowling has revealed that one of her characters, Hogwarts school headmaster Albus Dumbledore, is gay."

Somewhere in Wichita, a schoolmarm's head just exploded.

Militant Christian loonies have long been Potter-bashing due to its blatant promotion of witchcraft and wizardry, in addition to causing millions of adults to read 700-page children's fantasy novels instead of participating in society.

PS- A recent gem I stumbled upon from a Republican "Values" Conference:

Braaaaains!

2007-10-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

As if America wasn't already at risk of all types of nasty infections from Topps burgers, we now have to worry about having our BRAINS EATEN.

Jesus Christ Almighty, as if there weren't enough people reading US Weekly already...

Russians Have "Conception Day," Bush Gets Ideas

2007-09-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

The birthplace of Vladimir Lenin has declared September 12th to be "Conception Day." In order to battle falling birthrates, emigration, and high death rates, Russians have turned to novel solutions, including giving employees time off to have sex and offering financial incentives and prizes to women who give birth nine months after the holiday.

The babies born nine months after the holiday are brought into the world to the Russian National Anthem, a rousing bit of patriarchal nationalism.

With Bush and Putin's more-than-friendly relationship, how long can it be before Bush starts targeting select US towns for birth incentives? Darwin would have predicted the self-selecting demise of the Republican species, but if economics are brought into play, natural selection may not work for us this time.

Timbers Hit Playoffs; Earthquake Hits Portland

2007-09-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

A record crowd of nearly 12,000 beer-swilling Portlanders almost overwhelmed PGE Park last night, with the Timbers Army forming the vanguard.

Timber Jim was in fine form, rappelling upside-down from the rafters and rousing support with his mighty drum and chainsaw.

Unfortunately, the Timbers ultimately faced defeat 3-1 in a shootout following two Portland-dominated overtime extensions.

Nonetheless, the Timbers went out in fine form, their triumphant defeat in the playoffs marked by a massive earthquake felt for miles around.

Shock Doctrine

2007-09-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

Pretty intense short film by the director of Children of Men:

Oprah Throws Down

2007-09-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

Oprah has now officially joined up with the Obama campaign. This is the first time Oprah has lent her power to a politician- she is single-handedly expected to raise millions and possibly turn out voters. If her ability to make books bestsellers overnight translates into votes, she could become one of the most powerful people in politics today.

Game Over, Man, Game Over!

2007-08-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: There is now video of this monstrosity!

"Scientists" are claiming that this 200-yard long web in Texas is due to many spiders spinning together.

"Spider experts say the web may have been constructed by social cobweb spiders, which work together, or could be the result of a mass dispersal in which the arachnids spin webs to spread out from one another."

Bullllllshit! This is clearly the first sign of a new breed of gigantic super-spider. Either that, or someone's about to get cocooned like in Aliens.

My personal theory? It's this thing:

That's a Shame

2007-08-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

Chimp & Chump

2007-08-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

Somehow this fool is still invited back to New Orleans after presiding over what was potentially the worst preventable disaster in US history, then complimenting the chump who sat idly by while people died.

Interestingly enough, W's visit to the South coincided with a total lunar eclipse. For you amateur astronomers out there, George Bush's shadow is expected to pass from the Earth's face sometime in the fall of '08.

P.S.- If you were wondering, George Bush still doesn't care about black people:

Fuckin' AFSCME

2007-08-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

Hey! On your way to work tomorrow, instead of sitting around with your finger up your ass, look around. . .

Ignite the People Like Obama

2007-08-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama continues to be the most inspiring and refreshing candidate of the '08 hopefuls. Not only can he stir a crowd, but his focus on the grassroots at a national level is unwavering. Of all the major candidates websites (both parties), Obama is the only one with a direct button link to a voter registration site. The more people who participate, the stronger and more progressive candidates we can elect.

The way you run for office is inextricably linked to how you govern- if your base of support is the people, you do not have to bow to special interests.

"The reason I think people are participating like never before in this campaign is that people want to be for something, not just against something," Obama said.

Obama even gets a shout-out from Common on his latest video (about 2.5 minutes in for you lazy bastards whose attention spans have been decimated by TV).

Two Words

2007-08-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

"Chi-town raised me crazy." Chicago has finally been getting its dues paid the past few years with the rise of Common, Kanye, and Twista to the national stage. The soul home of the blues, final destination of the underground railroad and the Great Migration, and stomping grounds of bootleggers, Chicago has been the source of inspiration for artists, chefs, musicians, and activists since Du Sable founding Chicago in the 1770s.

By the way, Du Sable was the son of a slave and a French pirate, and later joined an Indian tribe- what you got, East Coast?

Jackie+Jet=100 years old

2007-08-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Jet Li has declared that he and Jackie Chan are getting "too old to fight." A truly sad day for kung fu fans of movies like this:

But never fear! Li and Chan aging out of action has allowed for some open space in the market for new blood. If you haven't seen Tony Jaa in anything yet, just take a look at this:

'ealthy Kids

2007-08-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

Big Tobacco eats it ('nuf said):

This Is How We Do It

2007-08-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

Oregon Smash!

Oregon continues to move ahead of the pack by blowing up the Marmot Dam and, in typical hippie fashion, recycling the concrete into roads. This is the largest dam removal in Oregon history, and more dams are slated for removal soon.

Many dams no longer fulfill their original functions, providing such little electricity or irrigation as to be irrelevant. This couples with the dams reaching the end of their life cycle, leaving utilities with two choices: spend tens of millions every few decades to reinforce useless dams, or spend the money once to remove the dams and restore rivers to their pristine, fish-filled glory.

You decide.

I Want One

2007-07-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

This man is my new personal hero. 105 Balloons + 1 Lawn Chair + 1 Madman at 11,000 feet= Incredible.

Mayor "Mixmaster" Mike Throws Down

2007-07-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg is blazing ahead with his support for congestion pricing in lower Manhattan. Charging drivers to enter Manhattan during peak traffic hours has long been a touchy political subject, but has proven to be a successful progressive solution to gridlock and pollution in comparable places like London.

Revenues from the usage fees would be channeled into public transit improvements, which would make it easier for everyone to do without their cars. Hopefully the New York legislature will rally behind the Mayor on this one soon, so that New York can continue to move on progressive issues.

Da....Bears

2007-06-16T23:34:00.000-07:00

Let's just say that the winner will be a certain team, from a certain Midwestern town, that starts with a "C," ends with an "O" and in the middle is "hicag."

Amen, Brothers, Amen.

Have Gun, Will Study

2007-06-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

Perusing Facebook today, I took a foray down a weird and wild path into the Realm of the Republicans. On the Oregon Federation of College Republicans' page (motto:"We share common Republican values, endure crazy liberal professors on a day to day basis, support our president, and know how to have fun!"), I was amused to see that one of their related groups is "I'd feel safer if I could bring my gun to class."

It certainly would make me more comfortable if I was in a lecture hall and saw the butt of a 9mm peeking out from the bag of the guy next to me. But hey, that's just me- I also hope that my last words will be "From my cold, dead hands."

Seals A-Plenty

2007-06-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

On my road trip down to Santa Cruz and LA, I ran into a flock (gaggle?) of elephant seals next to Highway 1. It must've been mating season because the bulls were trumpeting and smashing into each other, while the women lay about, disinterested (just like people!). Lest you think this is not an incredible sight, keep in mind that the bulls are typically 18 feet long, 5000 pounds of pure blubber, and can attain a higher speed on sand than most humans. Picture a truckload of Jello Jigglers.

In other news, if you have yet to check it out, you definitely need to watch the "I have a crush on Obama" video. If anyone knows where I can get some of them "Obama" booty shorts, let me know.

Hooked

2007-05-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

There's nary an article about US Senate hopeful Steve Novick that doesn't refer to his prosthetic hook within the first paragraph. Not that he shies away from the subject; he's even purchased the web address VoteHook.com in addition to the more traditional Novickforsenate.com, and his slogan is "The fighter with the hard left hook." A one-handed, 4'9'' standin,' 18-year-old college graduatin' legislative and political gangsta, Novick does not fail to impress.

The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee has yet to support Novick, but this is not particularly surprising, given the timing and his yet-to-be-proven level of support. However, all the "top" Oregonian candidates have declined to run, so Novick may get his chance after all.

Senator Gordon Smith best keep his eye on that left hook.

I'm A Monster!

2007-05-21T12:45:00.001-07:00

I have been turned overnight from a fully functional human being into....a Monster! What remains of my once immaculate "Fuck You!" finger is currently splinted to a board and swaddled in gauze.

Modern healthcare's solution to my gaping wound? Super glue. No joke, my cut was held together then liberally coated in "tissue adhesive." What a time to be alive!

Note to self: next time hold oyster with a towel.

I Have a Dreamsicle

2007-05-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

The Associated Press just released a study that declared Illinois to be the state most representative of the country as a whole, especially in terms of race and age. Illinois has decided to move its primary earlier, which has New Hampshire and Iowa, the traditional whitebread forerunners, pissed. In a clear case of frontin', Illinois House Majority Leader Barbara Currie has said, "States that are quite vanilla ought not to be making the decisions for us." Oh snap- it's on!

And lest you think Currie can't back up them fightin' words, consider this: a) she reps the South Side of Chicago, and b) whoa!

I wouldn't want to mess with that, would you?

Sprockets

2007-05-16T15:14:00.000-07:00

The derailleurs have derailed! The gears are maladjusted! Up with Spring! Oh, why must bicycle repair seem so easy when it is really a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in steel chromium-molybdenum?

This is the stuff they should be teaching kids in school, not all that Jane Austen crap. I once started to read one of her books, but quickly decided that 18th century British hobnobbing was not for me. In addition, I feel that I can make a broader statement that anyone's work that is often described as "comedies of manners" should be relegated to small piles in the corners of tea rooms and "breakfast nooks."

CNN Is An Awful Tease

2007-05-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

My heart was set all a-twitter when I encountered this gem during my daily news trolling:

But alas, those two glorious words were naught but a typo flashed across the screen for a delicious 12 seconds. While Bush's English counterpart has gracefully announced his resignation as Prime Minister, our own chickenhawk remains steadfastly in his coop, head forever in the sand.

Potent Potables

2007-05-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

"See all that stuff inside, Homer? That's why your robot never worked!"

I rounded the corner of Harrison and 12th yesterday only to be confronted by guys decked out in Haz-Mat suits and various "Environmental Services" trucks, all swarming around a small garage at the bottom of Ladd's Addition Apartments.

I know what you're thinking- another Portland meth lab, right? Boooring! But how wrong you are! In fact, this was some real old-timey mad scientist action. Apparently, Thom Gambaro had invented several new designs of computer keyboard, then made the next logical step: creating his own hydrogen fuel cell in the garage of his large apartment building!

Gambaro has since apologized for the fire and subsequent mecury contamination of the building, but methinks he will no longer be welcome in the neighborhood. I would say that he should have stuck to designing keyboards, but he's pretty bad at that too.

Better luck with the meth lab, Thom.

Calorie Restrictors Can Eat It

2007-05-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

Why do legitimate media sources feel the need to cover commercial fad diets? Atkins', Long Beach, the Zone: reviews of these diets belongs in the book review section, with the other books trying to sell you things, not in the science, or health, or news sections. If there is scientific research involved, cover that, not the people trying to pimp that research for personal gain.

One of the latest niche diets to receive a lot of press is known as "calorie restriction," where people strictly monitor their caloric intake using computer programs and carefully weighed portions to maintain an abnormally low intake of calories. If you have ever been to Denny's, you know that this is a diet that's going nowhere until the Grand Slam loses popularity. Atkins', with its green light on saturated fats, at least had a chance, or at least until "Dr." Robert Atkins had a heart attack and died later of kidney failure at a sizable 255 lbs.

Calorie Restriction (CR) is unusual as a diet in that the overall goal is not actually better health, lower weight, or better appearance, but rather longevity. CR advocates cite research in which some mice (not people) and a couple of monkeys (also not people), lived longer than "norms" on a restricted-calorie diet. So what? I bet those mice and monkeys were hungry all the fucking time and got pissed to see the other animals getting normal amounts of food. That rage alone may have been enough to keep the animals alive- just to show the normal animals up.

Remember, you don't win friends with salad.

You Want Some of This Hot Fire?

2007-05-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

Are blogs worth our time, for reading or for writing? According to Technorati, a site that monitors the blog world, there are approximately 2 new blogs created every second. That adds up to 175,000 new blogs a day across this fair planet; imagine if newspapers or magazines operated similarly.

In Paris in the Twentieth Century, Jules Verne imagines the demise of journalism due to "the indisputable reason that writers outnumbered readers." With newspapers across the country faltering economically and losing readership, could blogging be partly to blame?

Blogs are notorious for eschewing in-depth content, instead focusing entirely on who can get out the quickest response to the latest news. Any news will do- celebrities, disasters, book reviews- as long as it's the newest. Newspapers, even printed several times a day, can not hope to maintain quality while matching the pace of online news, but unfortunately almost every major newspaper has now headed down the slippery slope of blogging.

Traditionally, in order to respond to an article in a newspaper, you had to spend time crafting a letter to the editor or an op-ed; now you can just sign online and leave a comment, no matter how inane. Verne imagined newspapers quickly dissolving following a government ruling that required equal response space to be given to people criticized in a paper. Blogs' "comments" sections essentially allow this never-ending back-and-forth between opposing viewpoints, which virtually never form actual arguments.

I have now joined Lou Dobbs in criticizing my own medium. Cazart!

So It Goes

2007-04-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

Please enjoy my brief article/photo response to this graffiti over on the Portland Mercury site, which inspired a lively debate over the value of graffiti, led by a charming fellow who wishes to "stomp right on [a tagger's] fingers with my steel-toed Redwings."

Dobbie Does Dallas

2007-04-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

Ah, I love it when high profile newsfolk like Lou Dobbs refer to "Big Media" as if they are not a part of it. It's like when the President claims to be a Washington outsider. Lou has continued his ongoing crusade against illegal immigrants, quoting a Vanderbilt professor in an apparent attempt to pit Hispanics and African-Americans against one another ("these low-skilled, low-wage workers"). Everybody is fighting for that McDonald's uniform, huh Lou?

After reviewing a few of Lou's tirades against illegal immigration, he's definitely big on hate and little on thoughtful argument and solutions. He seems to really believe that illegal immigrants are a tremendous scourge responsible for disease, crime, and even the dissolution of our democracy. Lou's comments are thinly veiled racism at best, as by "illegal immigrant" he clearly means Hispanic people (who he probably refers to only as "Mexicans" in private), even though illegal immigrants come from all over the world.

Amazingly, Lou has had the gall to compare people who support plans to intelligently manage immigration to Nazi propagandists, earning him a worthy lashing by the Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society. Maybe someone should tell him that kidnapping and taking immigrants back over the border in cattle cars would probably rate a place in our illustrious history right along with putting Japanese people in concentration camps during World War II.

I think someone should tell him that if he loses his job, it will be because of immigration, but only the stupid racist shit he says about it- not to worry, another fat rich white man will take over where he left off.

Me Julie

2007-04-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

Jules Verne is hardcore. He accurately wrote about cars, planes, calculators, and submarines before they'd been invented. Plus, he was shot by his nephew. Anyway...

His stories, along with Burroughs, always make me a bit nostalgic for the mid-19th century, back when I was a lad. I'm always a bit aloof at first, but then get drawn into the adventure, whether it's traveling to the center of the earth or to a forgotten island full of prehistoric beasts. Back before Google maps and "modern science," adventure stories were so exciting because they had the slight possibility of being real. Now that essentially the whole world has been explored, mapped, and highways put in, science fiction and adventure stories have become comparatively lame.

Instead of stories about Amazonian cannibals, we get celebrity chefs like Tony Bourdain trying exotic fishes from reputable restaurants. While Michael Crichton brought us a little taste of the old days with the first Jurassic Park, he has since devolved into boring garbage about nano-technology and rants against the reality of global warming, stating that "a belief in extraterrestrials has paved the way, in a progression of steps, to a belief in global warming." What happened to the T-Rex? It was much more believable.

Oh well.

Breaking News!

2007-04-20T11:04:00.000-07:00

The battle between man and whisker-fish dog is escalating rapidly. On Wednesday, a sea lion stole a salmon from a fisherman's line (or so he says), causing him to become so irate that he shot the lion in the head twice at point-blank range with a .22 rifle. Look, either get up at 5 A.M., take a case of beer and go deer hunting, or take a case of beer and go fishing- no fair doing both.

A term I have never quite understood is "sport fisherman." I assume that this term is designed to distinguish those who fish for their livelihood from the weekend warriors (another amusing phrase). However, do we call gardeners "sport farmers?" Granted, sitting in a motorized boat with nothing but beer and pork rinds to sustain you is pretty harsh.

Loose Seal

2007-04-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

I was walking across the Hawthorne Bridge today on my way downtown, when I noticed something pop up in the river, and then be mobbed by seagulls. Perhaps a "floater?" I thought (Policealise for body in the river). No, on closer inspection it was a sea lion feasting on the spring salmon in the Willamette, obviously doing much better than the fishing boat next to it. No fat and lazy zoo exhibit, this river dog was a beast, and was still at it two hours later when I returned.

Apparently, sea lions have become a major problem at the Bonneville dam on the Columbia River, eating as much as 3.5% of the precious fish on their way to spawning. One bolshy bastard has even managed to hurl his blubberous self up the fish ladder to eat the fish resting in pools as they climb over the dam.

"Scientists" have been shooting the lions with rubber bullets, exploding firecrackers, and making faces to try to drive the stubborn animals away. Needless to say, skinny white men do not frighten 600 pound carnivores. Meanwhile, real scientists point out that the problem is not the sea lions, but the four gigantic dams that grind up over half the baby salmon each year on their way downriver. I say that this be decided physically, since sea lions can not discuss serious matters without resorting to childish belching and flipper-slapping. Critics can either go mano a dog-fish thing-o or shut the fuck up and take down the stupid dams.

Get Up to Get Down

2007-04-12T14:35:00.000-07:00

Got to get up to get down, that's what P-funk said. Yesterday marked the start of my membership to Portland Rock Gym, the local hangout for all types of Portlandians whose idea of a good time consists of wearing tiny rubber shoes, capris, and strapping themselves into junk-highlighting harnesses. D.L. Hughley said that you don't see any black people bungee-jumping because getting attached to a rope and pushed off a bridge is too damned much like lynching, and I suppose rock climbing probably fits in that category as well.

I think that people like climbing because it's one of those activities where you can't think about anything other than what you're doing right then. Or you fall. That's why people get tired of just "working out" at a regular gym- you're always trying to distract yourself from what you're actually doing. Clarity of mind may not be available on the Stairmaster, but you won't find anyone climbing with an iPod on or whipping out a cell phone halfway up the wall. It's just you, the wall, and a rope pulling your harness up your ass.

You Bore Me, Senor Bush

2007-03-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

With all the talk about the '08 Presidential elections of late, I was disgruntled to notice that my Bush Countdown Clock still registered 671 days to go! I mean, shit, that's like...uh...carry the one...almost 2 years from now!

Now, this is no small matter. The tax cuts, the abominable war, the inability to deliver a basic sentence- we've been here for ages. And frankly, I for one am bored out of my skull. "Stay the course?" What the fuck is that? Spice it up! Throw an affair into the mix, or at least the questionable murder of a political opponent! C'mon, give it a little pizazz!

In other matters, does the recent time change mean that we lose an hour of this yawn-inducing mama's boy? Or does it only count if he has a fatal pretzel incident before the roll-back in fall?

For King and Country

2007-03-14T15:27:00.000-07:00

The news frightened me. Especially local TV news. So I threw out my TV. This helped things for a while, but then I realized that things were still going badly and that Katie Couric did not, in fact, live inside of my television. Sneaky monkey.

So, to do my small part towards the eventual goal of "goodening" the news, I recently began volunteering for the Bus Project here in Portland. The Bus' main goals are to involve more young folks in politics and support progressive politics, focused around the 6 E's, which include education, environment, and, um... 'ealth care. It's a fun bunch of wonks and idealists who manage to get some pretty impressive things done on pennies a day. Plus, they have a Wii, which I understand can probably also be used to hack the new electronic voting machines.

Back in Chicago and New York, I was never especially interested in politics. Sure, I voted and marched and complained, but the massive and complex nature of big city politics can be very hard to understand, let alone be a part of. Now that I live in a state with less people than Chicago alone, politics has become much more attractive and interesting. I feel like people are here to live, not just work, and are willing to invest themselves more fully in their community. And, unlike denizens of New York or Chicago, Portlanders love the rest of their state too.

Here's to hoping that someday we can watch the news and be happy and proud of ourselves, instead of it making us want to lock the door and switch over to the classic movie channel, where at least the blood's in black and white.

Batteries Not Included

2007-03-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Watching "Murderball" last night, a movie featuring quadriplegic rugby players, got me thinking about my old post "Bionic Commando" regarding mechanical limb and organ replacement. With our rapidly increasing knowledge of the brain and surgical techniques, can full-on replacements for various body parts be far away? What if someone who had lost a limb could get a fully functional robotic replacement, complete with sensory input?

While all of that would be extremely cool, especially for Star Trek fans and other rabid sci-fi nerds, it does bring in some disturbing possibilities. For example, I could not help my mind from wandering to the potential ability to dramatically extend the human lifespan. After all, a "person" essentially boils down to nothing more than a brain. Chop off his arm, poke out his eye, he will still be the same person. Romantics be damned, you can even slice out his old heart and stick in someone else's, and you would never know the difference.

So, if medical and robotic technology continues to advance, we're looking at the possibility of replacing someone's God-given parts with man-made equivalents, which in turn would no doubt be much easier to replace and repair than human flesh and blood, making all but the brain replaceable. With far fewer natural parts, which are genetically designed to fail, we could conceivably stretch out a person's life indefinitely, simply replacing mechanical parts as needed.

Unfortunately, such options would probably only be available to the super-rich, which is why we should keep an eye on these advances in technology- can you imagine a world with artificial hair and robotic sex? Oh wait, we already have Donald Trump and John Bobbitt. Ba-zing!

Water, Water Everywhere

2007-03-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

Every time I go home to Chicago, one of the first things I pass is Lake Michigan, driving north along Lake Shore Drive back from Midway. At night the city blazes up to my left, while the lake looms to my right, a mysterious unlit expanse. It is rare that a city comes to its peak right next to the water as Chicago does, massive bluffs of buildings dropping flush to the beach in a continuous line along the Drive.

Even if I am only back for a brief visit, I always seem to find time to slip away for a few quiet hours to walk along the Evanston shoreline. Although beautiful in summer, I prefer the peace that frigid winters bring to the parks. With no massive picnics, burned and bloated beachgoers, or leashless dogs, one can have a small taste of the remaining wildness of the lake. Ice sheets groaning in the fog can create a surreal scene, reminding you of where tales of the Loch Ness monster or ghostly pirate ships come from.

Both Evanston and Chicago change each time I return; Millennium Park, towering condos standing next to new Starbucks and Barnes&Noble outlets, but the lake and shoreline remain remarkably unchanged, thanks to protections put into place years ago. Perhaps this is why the Lake is where I return each visit; few other things in the city remain as I remember them.

In each place that I have lived since leaving Chicago, I seem to latch on to a place of water as a grounding element; a place that I know I can return to when things seem to be out of control or just as a place of reassuring stability in a world that refuses to stand still. In New York City, a place that won’t sit down for a cup of coffee, I found that place in Central Park. The Hudson and East rivers are spoiled places, heavily polluted and trafficked throughways who have had their last vestiges of wildness dredged and filled with concrete.

While wholly engineered, I found two of Central Park’s ponds to be more natural than any former natural waterways flowing past the city. In addition, Central Park is one of the oldest remaining things of any kind in the city, and thus can be considered reliable. On weekday afternoons, the lake surrounding the Ramble is relatively peaceful and wraps around inlets and under footbridges in a way that keeps you from seeing the whole thing, giving an impression of a much larger body of water. Cattails and reeds form the shore, lending hiding places for frogs, ducks, and turtles, animals not seen outside of Chinatown restaurant windows.

My favorite Central Park pond, however, lies at the far northeast corner of the park. Past the fancy-pants Conservancy Gardens which, while one of the nicest parts of the park, lies well north of most tourists’ comfort zone, is a large lake watched over by a massive rock outcropping. Frequented mostly by junkies, Hispanic fishermen, and geese, this corner of the park provides a welcome relief from the weekend hordes of tourists, roller-bladers who didn’t hear that no one roller-blades anymore, and resident New Yorkers who apparently aren’t aware of the hundreds of other parks in the city.

Since moving to Portland, I’ve become rather attached to the Willamette (will-aaa-mit) River, which divides Portland in twain. Unlike most cities, the key directions in Portland are East and West instead of North and South. All because of the Willamette. For those wondering, East side is the best side; the West is just whatever trash rolled down from the hills. Anyway, the Willamette is the closest thing to a real river that I’ve ever lived near, Evanston’s infamous Sanitary Canal aside. While the Columbia is impressive, it’s just too large and powerful to have a personal attachment to. The Willamette is accessible and friendly, with parks and bridges galore. Granted, parts of it are also a SuperFund site, but I have never suggested swimming in it anyway.

Jesus Camp: Even less encouraging than "Left Behind"

2007-02-24T13:44:00.000-08:00

After watching Jesus Camp, I was left with a feeling similar to that which I sometimes get after watching some sort of travel show like Globe Trekker featuring a 12 year old getting married to her cousin. I felt like I had seen something disturbing and somehow unreal; something out of another time and place.

One scene features a family that home-schools their children, and the mother reminds her son that, “Science can’t prove anything, isn’t that funny?” during a discussion on why global warming isn’t real. That parents willingly encourage ignorance in their children instead of encouraging natural childhood curiosity and their questioning nature. The images of young children pleading with God to end abortion when too young to understand even the basic mechanics of sex is truly disheartening. While home schooling can be an excellent option in areas with sub-par public schools, it is unfortunately much harder to ensure standards. Tests will show whether or not a home-schooled student has learned the times tables, but not whether they have had half of their school days focused on religious and political indoctrination. Of course, in places like Kansas having a child in a public school is little better these days.

One of my sole consolations in watching Jesus camp was, oddly enough, the age of the children. Indoctrination at a young age is a scary thing, and children will readily embrace and repeat the things that they are taught. However, with age comes questioning and rebellion, and I would be surprised if the majority of the children featured in the movie do not break out of the mold that their parents have attempted to force them into as they become young adults, much as the children of straight-laced 1940’s and 50’s parents became hippies and beatniks, rejecting the racism and sexism status quo.

The starkness of the Missouri landscape featured in Jesus Camp and the clear isolation of home-schooled children there reminds us how much control parents can have over their children, but in the modern US it is almost impossible to keep that isolation up over time. Satellite television, the internet, cell phones; all of these things conspire to do some indoctrination of their own on impressionable young kids, and continually break further into what once were private areas with their consumerist ideology.

Overall, what struck me most about Jesus Camp was the sheer lack of Christianity or religion present in the gatherings and teachings shown. Aside from having the children "speak in tongues" and yell phrases like “Praise Jesus,” I saw little discussion of morality or tradition, or even mention of Bible stories. The only time the bible made an appearance was in a home-schooling session where a mother had her children place their hands on the Bible and give a Pledge of Allegiance to the Bible, which seemed far more political than religious. In fact, that was what it really all seemed to be about- politics.

From the ever-present American flag to life-size cardboard cutouts of George Bush to children running around in US Army t-shirts and camouflage face paint, the whole thing smacked of a Young Republicans meeting, only with 5-year-olds and juice breaks. Hell, even the evangelicals’ own studies show that the vast majority of evangelicals don’t know the first thing about what’s actually inside the Bible that they’re pledging allegiance to, let alone what that sticky stuff on Ted Haggard’s hand was.

Fortunately, Ted Haggard has been exposed for the evil hypocrite that he is, and the camp featured in the movie shut down as a result, but we should not be complacent. The fact that the Democrats are on their way back up brings hope, but we need to continue to keep our eyes on the folks that would like our country to become the stomping ground of a Christian Taliban where science is banished, the rights of women evaporate, and FOX News becomes the only news.

"Dick in a Box" as Social Commentary

2007-02-16T15:56:00.000-08:00

Many people have recently discovered the finely crafted hit single "Dick in a Box" by SNL's Andy Samberg and 'N Sync's Justin Randall Timberlake. What few realize, however, is that Dick in a Box is far more than simple farce. It is, in fact, a searing social critique of the ever-increasing materialism of today's holiday culture. Samberg and Timberlake have no qualms about breaking all the rules of the giving game in this explosive tour-de-force. "Not gonna get you a diamond ring; that kind of gift don't mean anything" stands out in sharp contrast to the gaudy displays of the major department stores and the implication of commercials that we must buy the love we desire. Instead, Samberg and Timberlake choose take a more meaningful approach to the holidays, humbly offering the only truly free gift they can give- themselves. In a box.

Bionic Commando

2007-02-16T13:08:00.000-08:00

Trials for 'bionic' eye implants

Science is clearly blazing towards creating some sort of robot super-soldier. Helping the blind? Please- don't think that the military isn't all over this. I mean, combine super-sight, super-strength and super-hearing and you've got some seriously freaky super-soldiers. Is this what it has come down to? A soldier gets limbs blown off and still he's not allowed to go home? Come on! With all this replacement hardware available now, it's not long before we're into full-blown sci-fi territory (remember Robocop?).